Whaddup, I'm here to say, people love you more than you know in life, don't make the mistake of thinking that the people around you don't care.

Trigger Warning - Someone in this update has self-harmed.

So, last week was shit.

Anxiety ridden, full of regret for setting up this dinner thing, turns out she isn't planning on going to dinner or coffee alone, she was planning to bring either her new polycule-partner-type-person or her mother, and, I wouldn't be so bothered by the new partner, but her mother is always inquisitive, I could have asked, but I just decided I would go either way.

A couple of days go by, two or three and I just decide "fuck this, I don't have to deal with this, I'll be getting nothing out of this now that I'm thinking about it." So before I lay down for bed and get ready for another day at work, I text her that I'm not going to be able to do it before they go back to their city. I get a message a couple of hours later telling me that we have a mutual friend who is dying of cancer, and that they would be passing soon. Thats not really any news that anyone wants to hear, but I am saddened by it for sure, however; also annoyed that getting to sleep the past week was nearly impossible. So I decided to call out of work, just take some me time. 30 minutes after I'm supposed to be at work, I get a text message from a close work friend telling me that my work partner had committed suicide earlier that day. I worked with this guy elbow-to-elbow 2 days a week for the last 2 years. It didn't feel real. It wasn't expected from him, no one thought that this was a possibility. There is a bunch of bullshit happening in the world that I live in, people lives being touched with irreversible fates. There isn't anything that I could have done to help these two souls, and the actions have already been finished with the ex.

Cherish your time and people. Make your actions count and be sure you feel them.

I don't understand why I do things the way that I do, I would like to just deny what I feel at times and just "be okay"

I feel like I can be a bit personal on here, there aren't many people that will see it, surely no one that I know in real life, I'm pretty positive that there isn't someone I know IRL on this website, however;

I have someone who I at one time considered a friend, a lover in fact, that is coming back to town for a visit after moving to the other side of the country, and they have expressed that they would like to be friends and actually do friendly things, talk together over a phonecall or play some games over the internet, stuff like that, for whatever reason, I can't really allow myself to get that close again.

I don't know why I am this way, it feels horrible for me to be around this person, I do believe that I love her still, and that certainly has something to do with it, but I always feel like I'm only okay with it if it's All-Or-Nothing. I care for her wellbeing and achievements, but I don't really know how to make that friendly connection. I told her that we could meet up somewhere public and get some coffee at this local café while she is here for the week, but I don't really know what to do or say. I just feel sad and nervous. It's dreadful to me.

We both live different lives now, nothing really to do about it other than try and stay cordial, we don't hate each other, I guess we just didn't really work good together and I still haven't come to terms with it. Love is complicated. Maybe there will be some sort of closure when we go get some coffee or something. That would be nice. I'll know for sure next week though.

As a kid, I feel like I used to be so much more excited about halloween than I am as an adult, it's probably because I work retail and it just feels like a money hole.

I haven't been around on the website all that much in the past year, I see a lot of the stuff that comes out on different platforms, but I decidedly want to keep supporting it, not too much creativity left in my everyday world, this page represents a bastion of hope. PM me something cool you've drawn and I will look at it.

I don't really know what to say, I've not been happy creating anything as of late, I don't really know how to get out of this slump or out of this job that I'm working at, I sort of feel trapped like I'm not allowed to do anything else. If theres something that you think would be cool that I could draw, throw that out at me, I'm DM friendly too, message me anywhere.

I really hate when I'm scrolling to read comments or whatever and I vote on my own drawing and look like an asshat.

I haven't really been on newgrounds for a couple of months, but I never forget the influence it brings me in my day to day life, not to suck a nostalgia dick or anything, but I owe much of my creative drive to the site. I've decided to upload a bunch of art today just to get what I've done on this platform, as I think it's one of the last corners of the internet I don't really have qualms with.

Honestly, I'm sick of working at a big box store, I don't want to waste my life just working for some giant company that doesn't give a fuck about me. How could anyone? My commissions are open, I'm not trying to beg for them or anything, but maybe that's where I'm going wrong. I just want to better myself mentally. Less time at a company would help with that more than many know.

I sort of forgot about my Newgrounds, I was really pushing for my animation, right now my heart just isn't in animating. But I draw everyday, I'm probably just going to post them here as well, Bigger net, more fish, right? I'd appreciate any sort of ratings and such and constructive criticism.

I hope I can bring more entertainment or inspiration to others.

I don't know what I was thinking, lol. I'm probably not going to be able to get "Salt Goblin" finished before Halloween. This was much larger in scope than what I was initially thinking, and have re-wrote some of the scenes to cut down on some of the work while keeping it funny. I'm still working on it, I do plan on releasing it, but you're probably not gonna see it by Halloween. I plan on updating at least once a week and uploading new/back catalog art pieces while working on the animation.

Hope your day is nice, thanks for reading.