Trigger Warning - Someone in this update has self-harmed.

So, last week was shit.

Anxiety ridden, full of regret for setting up this dinner thing, turns out she isn't planning on going to dinner or coffee alone, she was planning to bring either her new polycule-partner-type-person or her mother, and, I wouldn't be so bothered by the new partner, but her mother is always inquisitive, I could have asked, but I just decided I would go either way.

A couple of days go by, two or three and I just decide "fuck this, I don't have to deal with this, I'll be getting nothing out of this now that I'm thinking about it." So before I lay down for bed and get ready for another day at work, I text her that I'm not going to be able to do it before they go back to their city. I get a message a couple of hours later telling me that we have a mutual friend who is dying of cancer, and that they would be passing soon. Thats not really any news that anyone wants to hear, but I am saddened by it for sure, however; also annoyed that getting to sleep the past week was nearly impossible. So I decided to call out of work, just take some me time. 30 minutes after I'm supposed to be at work, I get a text message from a close work friend telling me that my work partner had committed suicide earlier that day. I worked with this guy elbow-to-elbow 2 days a week for the last 2 years. It didn't feel real. It wasn't expected from him, no one thought that this was a possibility. There is a bunch of bullshit happening in the world that I live in, people lives being touched with irreversible fates. There isn't anything that I could have done to help these two souls, and the actions have already been finished with the ex.

Cherish your time and people. Make your actions count and be sure you feel them.