I don't understand why I do things the way that I do, I would like to just deny what I feel at times and just "be okay"

I feel like I can be a bit personal on here, there aren't many people that will see it, surely no one that I know in real life, I'm pretty positive that there isn't someone I know IRL on this website, however;

I have someone who I at one time considered a friend, a lover in fact, that is coming back to town for a visit after moving to the other side of the country, and they have expressed that they would like to be friends and actually do friendly things, talk together over a phonecall or play some games over the internet, stuff like that, for whatever reason, I can't really allow myself to get that close again.

I don't know why I am this way, it feels horrible for me to be around this person, I do believe that I love her still, and that certainly has something to do with it, but I always feel like I'm only okay with it if it's All-Or-Nothing. I care for her wellbeing and achievements, but I don't really know how to make that friendly connection. I told her that we could meet up somewhere public and get some coffee at this local café while she is here for the week, but I don't really know what to do or say. I just feel sad and nervous. It's dreadful to me.

We both live different lives now, nothing really to do about it other than try and stay cordial, we don't hate each other, I guess we just didn't really work good together and I still haven't come to terms with it. Love is complicated. Maybe there will be some sort of closure when we go get some coffee or something. That would be nice. I'll know for sure next week though.